Tell your children that you only want for them to have a great relationship with both of their parents and that you would not go out of your way to challenge their mother unless you absolutely had to, which in this case, you do. As I see it, one possibility of your calling them out on their ugliness to each other and how its affecting you will be a wake-up call. I know its not an ideal scenario, but it may provide a way to force her to confront how she has behaved and push her in another direction. slate advice columns care and feeding. And then, it happened. Jamilah Lemieux and. But when Daisy asks me why she should continue to try to have a relationship with this awful woman, I just want to tell her to stay far away from her. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Slate has a parenting advice column called Care and Feeding. Your baby is HUGE!. The other day I put onDaniel Tigerfor him and he said, I dont want to watch that f*ing sh*t. Help me! Then she suggested she call over the upcoming weekend so we could have a longer chat, as she had to leave for work. Answer: Join Slate Plus. Please dont do that either. My son-in-law works 20-30 hours a week and my daughter struggles with depression and takes seasonal jobs. Is that enough though? I expect youll eventually find that you have others in your corner, friends who will relate to and understand and support your family, who will care enough to learn what they dont know, who will see and love and celebrate your child and all of you as you are. This is nothing at all to feel bad about, either. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. I can say this honestly and without bias. ); if thats not possible, ask him not to disturb you when you are in a session. The babys mother was anxious about leaving him for an evening. I am single and have a small home of about 800 square feet. Though Im sure youve given this some thought, let me remind you that you can take your ex to court to try and force her into mediation. The other day I sent my 35-year-old daughter a link to the weather report for where she lives (about icy, dangerous roadsI was concerned about her morning commute), and she phoned me to ask that I not send such things, as if you think Im incompetent. I took this as her setting a boundary and told her Id respect that, even though doing things for the people I love is my love language. I told them that they didnt have to worry about that, because even though hes getting older its no more unlikely that he would suddenly die sometime in the next 10 years, but they can see that dads health is declining and this does not comfort them. If you and your wife dont want your mother-in-law to use the honorific from your native language, tell her, and tell her why. I turned my life around and have been sober for over six years, but will he do whatever it takes to improve his health? Would it be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends brothers funeral as a learning experience. Hopefully that will be the case with your dad as well. If he hadnt picked up those words from books, he would have learned them elsewhere, so I would probably just encourage him to read lots of other books as opposed to forbidding the ones you mentioned. Dear Care and Feeding, My 8-year-old daughter "Isla" loved gymnastics. I will pay the deductible. Especially to her stepmother, who seems to be making no effort to hide her own considerable distaste and dislike for the childs mother. My question is, what do I say to these people? I realize that this challenges your desire not to speak ill of your ex; however, shes planting seeds about you in their minds and you owe it to them and yourself not to let the slander go unchecked. He had frequent outbursts, consisting of yelling and swearing. I apologize for second-guessingI am, after all, an outsider!but everything you report is something youve been told by a 14-year-old; youve reported nothing youve observed directly. Photo illustration by Slate. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Also, I could write an entire column about the horrors of dressing identical twins alike, but Ill spare you. To be honest, I cant tell for sure. One is a state college 30 minutes away. Of course your child is upset and angrya member of his family has chosen to be obnoxious to him and him alone! In our day-to-day lives, though, we often keep our guards . They attend joint therapy, but her mom doesnt seem to be making any progress. I Despise My In-Laws. Is it inappropriate of me to take her to Morgans funeral as a learning experience? And as you know (because youre on your third kid now), its just going to be a work in progress. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Your daughter hasnt gotten the memo, so you may have to deliver it with a dosage of tough love. So, what could you say when youre ready? My opinion is that you shouldnt police the behavior of people being kind to your child. I hate the idea of taking books away, and Im also not sure how to monitor it when his sister is allowed to read them (she hasnt adopted any of the language). I never want them to feel the fear that I had. They've tried counseling and nothing seems to work. Nelson's Column had gone! How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are? Your letter was largely about other considerations, thoughnamely, your own wants and opinionsso lets focus on the lede you semi-buried here: Your own college experience wasnt what you hoped it would be. Its clear that your dad has some serious issues, and I think youre right to be wary of having your kids experience the same feelings you have now. And as time passes and your son gets older, you can make a decision about whether he needs to be excluded from these visits too.). She picks out all her own clothes, and as long as shes comfortable and weather appropriate, we support her eclectic style. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. Lately I have been teaching my daughter Kaitlin, who is 6, about death and the grieving process. Care and Feeding Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. She is leaning toward the private school. He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. You and your husband need to make the most out of your lives, and I trust that you can do it.. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Have a question for Care and Feeding? I love them both very much! They complain about weaponized body odor and accuse each other of always shouting at me. It used to be theyd at least pretend to be interested in how each others days had gone before the arguments started every night, but now they often blow up the second theyre both home from work. Im positive Kaylie doesnt know about this, and my husband says Im overreactingthat hes just watched too many TV shows and movies in which true love is part of the plot, and is also probably just lonely, what with living life online. countries. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. He takes the bus to work, and often finds himself out of breath after walking up the same hill from the bus stop to our house that hes been walking up for 15 years. I see you, and others will, too. Im always glad to hear from you, and leave it at that. Even visits to the pediatrician were sad and depressing. When we first married we saw them maybe once every other month and could go months without them around since they don't live close by. Shes so lucky youre her daughter! That doesnt mean its necessarily a good way to do this, of course. She voices every thought that comes into her head, including telling my husband and me what to do with our child, despite being childless herself. Edgy content focused on teens and kids can easily cause trouble. Photo illustration by Slate. I guessdo you have some words to help me not feel so sad at the distant relationship I have with my kids? She has been accepted at four universities and has it narrowed down to two. Some new parents have no trouble leaving their infants with a grandparent or other trusted sitter; some hate to leave them, no matter who is available to care for them.) Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. She does, however, like to sneak snacks. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. I figured if he was hungry and didnt have his mother around as an option, hed do better with the second one later. Al, from Monroe, Connecticut "I'm a single dad to three boys, and I have been alone with them for seven years. Maybe theyll decide to try couples counseling. Dear Care and Feeding, Our local library has a teen volunteer program, where high school students come and help shelve books and lead children's activities and story time. This may also help give you confidence around speaking with your dad. If you missed Fridays Care and Feeding column,read it here. Im pretty sure I am overreacting, but I still dont know if I should discourage him or not. I have a 3-year-old who is obsessed with gloves. Your temper and outbursts really had a negative impact on my life, and its taking all of the courage I can muster as a grown adult to talk to you about this today. (Again, Im not going to weigh in on this, because its nobodys business but her own. I hate my sister-in-law. Now our son keeps saying f*ing sh*t. Weve tried telling him we dont say bad words like what Daddy said, but that didnt work. At the beginning . Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. He LOVES his class and his teacher, and he has so many friends in the neighborhood. I have given this advice before to others: I would give your daughter three to six months to find a job and a place to stay, or else youll have to throw them out. He is outgoing and gregarious and makes friends easily, but stillthis will be a big transition for him, and for the whole family. Were having a harder time coming up with names for our twins, in large part because my husband wants names that sound similar. ), is just an impossible, unsustainable situation for your kid. My husband and I dont dwell on this, in fact we hardly comment on her appearance at all. How do I get my parents to divorce? You have to use headphones.". How a Bizarre Swedish Docuseries About Men Parenting Tore the Country Apart. She makes every visit to my husbands parents home excruciating. I Despise My In-Laws. But I think it is for the wrong reasons. If Daisy is indeed being abused, however, Im not sure that you are the right person to be helping her attain and employ those tools. Sometimes, this is great (hes really into Raina Telgemeier). I grew her myself. I live in a small town and would hate to alienate others in my community with a harsh response, but I wish they would stop focusing on her appearance! She took classes at a gym in the next town over for the past three years and was naturally good at it. It begins in a month and commuting through the end of the school year is not really feasible for me, so were moving the weekend before I start (me, husband, and son). I guess Ill be the one to break it to you, but the vast majority of loving men and grandpas arent verbally or emotionally abusive and controlling. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. 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