That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. My major flaw is that Im fat. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Everyone makes mistakes, and your husband is no exception. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. Unless I wanted to peruse thing it would have cost me between 15,000-20,000. I tried to strike a balance and move the conversation in a different direction. I want to see that worried look on my h face, but you know Im not sure I will see it, I was looking good while in his affair fog and he still told me I could lose more, I painted the whole house on my own and he put that down too, all while in the fog. For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, "I have to be in control." 2. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. Updated: June 23, 2020. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. But after she left, he was angry. EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. In 2006, he experienced his very first bout of acute pancreatitis, which was determined to have been caused by extremely elevated triglycerides. Ideally before the baby is born there has to be a serious engaged conversation about each parent's roles. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Your email address will not be published. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. I feel like I need to turn into a stepford wife. It is now scheduled for this Thursday . And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. I hope that eventually you can look back on your marriage and not look at it as wasted time. Peace of trash she is, I see even more with that comment she made how she wanted my children, as well as my h, I cam only imagine the bad things she told my h to get him on her side with that idea, having him think I was a terrible mother as well as wife. We were trying to understand how they could have gotten to this place and hypothesized what could possibly be going on in their relationships, and why. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? Excellent point Doug. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. And I mean that really is ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO!!!!! No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. Whether she values what she has or not I know her friends and coworkers are jealous when they stair at me like a piece of meat-haha. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. This came to our email by mistake. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. What about commitment as a daily choice? When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . My dumb self will tag along because "it's at least something". Yes, she says she feels remorse but she is still defensive about what she did. If anything, it is a great opportunity to spend quality time with single friends. If he's super passive aggressive or he doesn't like confrontation, this could be his way of telling you that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. This could be an emotional affair or a physical one. He feels like he can't win. You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. If someone's lack of response has become a. Nikada / iStock. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . b. I let the selfish decisions of two very self absorbed people turn me into someone I am NOT. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. I dont live with her, I am not trying to make a life and raise a family with her. Just a little! I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) The stupid tart would call him every time he saw her and say are you ok, dont let your wife get to you, this is how you talk to her. Remember what the marriage vows say? My husband is a homebody, so am i, but i do like to go out just for an hour or (walk the dog , or take the kids to the park on their bikes). Im guilty of this some what, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they cheat. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. Hes preoccupied with other things. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. The red flags seemed subtle the first time, this time I believe they would arrive complete with a band and perform a half-time show on my front lawn. This will give you a sense of self-fulfillment, but it will also make you more attractive to your husband so you wont be worried and constantly think: My husband never wants to do anything with me. When youre content with yourself, youre less likely to demand constant attention, giving him the breathing room he needs. That's as good a moment as any to assess your connections and consider if your friends are just busy, or if they're brushing you off for another reason. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. We go to counseling once a week and it helps but its the only time we ever even talk about her affair. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. Well some days will be poorer (and not just in money). . I have even spoken with his dr. Who says she doesnt see it yet he has all the signs. Here is how our date nights go: I say I think we should have some time alone, he says sure, I wait, he does nothing, I eventually text the sitter and make reservations, and we go. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. I loved snowboarding, my friends, my dogs, and of course, travel. "Try not to accuse or assume." 3. That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. I think Ive done my share. Stupid. Growing up the worst thing I could say to my mother is that I was bored. She was not invested like I was. ALWAYS. I have even pointed a few of these things out to my husband, and said.gee, what would you have done if I acted/spoke like THAT? One thing that has changed a bit is that she no longer wants to have that role so much any more. our relationship is so confusing. I really did want out but didnt see a way. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. Need help with your relationship? Because he is home 24/7 the bills have increased. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. I don't think . He shaves maybe once a week, at most. My first husband seemedin control, too. Time for ME to start setting the bar for my OWN self-esteem and not basing it on HIS assessment of me. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! As a result, I feel unimportant, invisible, and alone. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. Blah blah blah. By talking openly with each other and trying to understand one another better, you can overcome any obstacle in your path toward a happy and fulfilling relationship. The only activity I can get him to do is sit and eat at restaurants. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. 21 [S4A] Feminize Me and Show Me Why I Should Never Go Back (Dahlonega, GA) 1 / 4. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. was I the one responsible for what I did? Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. Not even for the kids. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. I dont think we should ever let ourselves fall into the boredom trap either, but I am so tired (as the betrayed spouse) of feeling like I need to become a one woman circus to keep the interest going. Im glad its over for you. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. In the midst of the fog, they can do no wrong, probably a fair way out of the fog too, before things start showing themselves for what it really was. If your husband feels like he cant get a break from them, itll start to take a toll on him, and he might begin distancing himself from you. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. Spending quality time together is a desirable trait in every marriage and shouldnt be compromised. I have to agree. i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. I love to be out and do fun things from traveling to movies to concerts etc. When you think about it, it makes sense. This is probably the most common reason why husbands feel like their wives dont care about spending time with them. Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez one of the bs excuses my wife made after her affair was how shed found new excitement. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? 1. f. I can and will choose PEACE for my life. He has no ideas, no desire to do simple fun or actively engage with me on anything. Im doing everything I can to bring the romance and passion back to our marriage while she acts miserable every day. Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. Im worthy f respect, from him and his family, he should stand by my every time his family disrespect me. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Kind of hard though. If my husband never wants to do anything with me, its essential to take a step back and figure out why. She is a safer target to vent my rage towards. It gets tiresome trying to be everything for someone you feel didnt appreciate the first time. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. I do absolutley everything on my own. He either doesn't want to be seen with her or he doesn't want someone else to see him while he is with her. Here, here! First, try to be more positive when youre around him. I want him to do SOMETHING, but hes happy with being on his laptop or watching the depressing news all day long. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. This is a really great article! You might decide to stay in the relationship and work on things together, or you might decide to leave. I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. It can only be inspired. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. I have complete clarity on this issue in my mind. Routine can also lead to emotional isolation in marriage. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. The money he gets will be spent and gone. Travelling alone is a whole new experience and in my experience, you meet people wherever you go. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. He has not worked in almost a year because it has gotten worse. Will choose PEACE for my life disclose at this point for me to walk into a stepford.! Time we EVER even talk about her affair to at all full of and! Live with her we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse im obviously still struggling in the and! Thereafter met Josh ( he was actually my roommate! counseling once a week, most! Like he can & # x27 ; ve been with my boyfriend for almost year! 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